A very proud dad

I miss you so hard right now. 

It's strange, I came across hearing an old hit song and for some reason you came to the forefront of my mind. It made me really start to think of what has become a complicated relationship. There's so much for us to talk about, but I've been avoiding this conversation because it is so difficult, the most difficult. 

Lately i've been afraid to touch you, not because I no longer have the same feelings for you, but because of how you make me feel when it's just you and I. It feels wrong, and we both know why. Very few will understand what i'm going through when I think about you, when I take the cover off of you, when I turn you on and get you warmed up, when you purr as I pull back on it just a little. I start to change into someone else, a different version of me, a version of myself that only sees you and absolutely nothing else. You see, there are many people I love and care deeply about counting on me to be practical. And considering how much in love I am with someone else, that's why what we have feels increasingly wrong. Things are no longer the same as they used to be. 

Your kind, are known to be heart breakers. Your kind, are known to be mutually exclusive. Your kind, are known to be a tradeoff. So is that where we are now, the point of the tradeoff? Just thinking about it literally pulls my heart apart. 

I feel like indecision here, is a decision. I feel that keeping you close is an eventual reality that I accept without saying it out loud. I sense that if others know you're still available to me, they'll know I made a choice. But would they understand the hollow shell I would become without you in my life? 

No matter how it ends between us, there will be a broken heart.

I live with this principle as the foundation from which I stand on. This principle has taken me so many places and provided me with so much opportunity, and has differentiated me from others on many occasions. "Honor Your Effort" is how I like to phrase it, it is a very common tenet which is often said as "finish what you start". 

However I like the way I put it better, because it is a reminder that for me, I only have so many days, so many summers, so many weekends - if i'm going to invest that finite time into something, I want, rather, I demand, a measurable outcome for that investment. 

When I start something anymore I have selected it over many other things, and with the intent to finish it or at least see it to a respective conclusion.

And what this really comes down to:

Live intentionally
First, realize the value of your time, then be intentional with what's left of it.

Do not fall easy for the persuasions of others 
Their course is rarely the same as yours.

Learn to say NO
No to your impulses, no to sidequests, and no to distractions. Because no, this tiniest of words, gives you a giant runway to honor your effort.

Some things are easier to have a more measurable conclusion, like a college degree or a professional certification. Each of those that I've started I've come around to finish knowing that I want to honor the effort I had initially poured into them. 

College is one of those rites of passages for a young person, where if it teaches nothing else, it teaches how to finish an obligation that was started voluntarily, so that the effort has a measurable outcome and therefore if finished, is objectively honored. The world will trust you more, if they can objectively determine that you measurably finish what you start.

Failure as a feature

When it comes to failure, the "Honor Your Effort" value system really starts to take real meaning. For a person to have failed, they'll first need to have tried and applied effort, presumably with a goal in mind. The way I think about the approach, it's about the goal, not the effort, and failure is a means towards my goal - I learn just the same if I succeed or fail. Actually I tend to learn more when I fail, the feedback is more tangible in failure, the taste is bitter and more memorable, and failure highlights my weakest areas more definitively. 

Let's use a college level Calculus II as an example (an area where I have seen loved ones struggle): Calc II is hard, period. Where calculus I can be beat with rote memorization learning how to solve similar problems with a handful of problem solving techniques, calculus II takes a student from the shallow end and pushes them into the deep end. There are many different types of problems, and many different ways in which to solve problems. It offers a much deeper toolbox from which to pull from, and most importantly it has the answer to why things work in the world around us - where there is much to discover. Failure here is a feature, it means you're still discovering the discovery process. Taking this class, even if for a third time, says alot about you to me. It shows your goal is not to simply pass a class, but rather it shows you are a person that values problem solving over obstacles. The trick here is to build momentum and use that momentum to get you to your goals. Failure is momentum just as success is.

As time becomes more finite, and finish lines become more hazy, there is more design involved at the onset. So start early, honor getting beyond the introduction, honor coming to know the tools, honor learning the nomenclature, and honor the stages and levels - all the same no matter the domain. Honor all of your effort.

And in doing so you have begun to prove to the world that you honor opportunity.

Love,
A very proud dad 🫶

There is a time to observe, and a time to reflect, and then a time to share. 

I found a place to write you a letter of reflection, and put it somewhere where you can come back to it from wherever you are in the world, in your life, and in your appetite to absorb. 

I call these letters because they are one-directional. I find great value in a letter, that it is more likely to be absorbed, unlike a conversation where there is an implied obligation for the other to respond - without enough time to accept what was shared.

Early on in these letters you might hear things I have told you before; principles of mine I've probably shared with you many times. Please hear them. But also let me share those with you for the last time, so I can dig deeper for what I'm eager to share with you next.

Because this is the beginning...of the end...of our beginning. 

- A very proud dad 🫶